Jokes by tag

85 results found for tag 'nsfw'

« back

ID Setup Punchline Tags
14 What did the man say to the two owls? "Nice hooters!"
15 Two muffins are in the oven. One turns to the other and says, "Man it's hot in here." What did the other say? "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"
36 Who came first: the chicken or the egg? The one with the cigarette!
48 What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We need to get some support or people will think we're nuts!"
49 What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Dough nuts!
69 What does Coca Cola have in common with King Kong? They both come in liters!
73 What has 75 balls and screws old ladies? Bingo!
74 Why did the walrus go to the tupperware store? He was looking for a tight seal!
79 What did the sign at the drug rehab center read? "KEEP OFF THE GRASS!"
86 What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches...
87 What's the difference between a women's track team and a group of circus midgets? The circus midgets are a bunch of cunning runts...
88 What did the banana say to the vibrator? "What are you shakin' for? She's gonna eat me!"
91 Why couldn't the clown juggle? He just didn't have the balls!
151 Why can't lizards have sex? They have ereptile dysfunction!
170 What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? El-if-I-no!
180 What is the difference between Ann Coulter and Donald Trump? Her dick works.
203 What's the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on.
222 How do you know when an Egyptian king is horny? From all the Pharoah moans!
224 What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in common? No ballroom!
227 What's the difference between a short Eskimo and a fat eunuch? One's a frigid midget with a rigid digit, and the other is a massive vassal with a passive tassel!
229 What does every Tickle Me Elmo get before leaving the factory? Two test tickles!
241 How do you catch a bra? You set a booby trap!
252 Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep!
262 What do you call an overpriced circumcision? A rip off!
274 What does Snoop Dogg use to clean his white laundry? Ble-atch!
297 Did you hear about the orange who slept with a dirty lemon? He got lemonaids!
304 What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
307 What's a hillbilly's favorite thing to do on Halloween? Pumpkin.
313 Have you been to the zoo that only has a single dog? It's a Shih Tzu.
329 What's better than roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ!
341 What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones? The Rolling Stones say, "Hey, you, get offa my butt!" and a Scotsman says, "Hey, McButt, get offa my ewe!"
348 What does every pirate hate? A small chest with no booty!
351 Why is Jesus really bad at crossword puzzles? He always gets stuck on 2 across!
358 What did the NSA agent say on his first date? I'm gonna wiretap that ass!
361 What do you call a horny unicorn? A unicorn!
362 What does American coffee and having sex in a canoe have in common? It's fucking close to water!
366 How do you get four old ladies to yell "SHIT!"? Get a fifth old lady to yell "BINGO!"
372 What do radiation specialists do for fun? X-ray-ted activities!
373 What comes between fear and sex? Fünf!
381 What's the difference between two dicks and a joke? You don't look like you could take a joke!
382 What is a pornstar's favorite building material? Sement!
393 What is 6.9? A beautiful thing ruined by a period!
397 What's a Catholic priest's favorite chord? A minor!
403 Why aren't whales allowed in strip clubs? Because they tend to humpback!
423 What kind of weed do lizards smoke? Mariguana!
424 What do a pregnant woman, burnt pizza, and frozen beer have in common? A man who didn't take it out in time!
429 What do you call an artist with a brown finger? Picassole!
430 What gets longer when pulled, inserts neatly into a hole, and works best when jerked? A seatbelt!
431 What's the difference between a nail stylist and a hair stylist? One does hand jobs, the other does blow jobs!
437 What does Cinderella do when she gets to the ball? Gag!
469 What do ducks smoke? Quack!
479 Why did the gay whale choke? Because he swallowed a lot of seamen!
485 How are pornstars paid? Income.
508 How do you know if an envelope is gay? If it comes in the mail!
516 What kind of sex do chemists like? Bondage!
557 What do you call children born in a whorehouse? Brothel sprouts!
558 How does a robot handle a one night stand? He nuts and bolts!
590 How is herpes different from mono? You get mono when you snatch a kiss...
591 How is a counterfeit dollar bill different from a skinny prostitute? One's a phony buck...
593 How is the Panama Canal different from Sarah Palin on a merry-go-round? The Panama Canal is a busy ditch...
594 How is a nun different from a lady in a bath? One is a soul full of hope...
595 How is a gold fish different from a mountain goat? A gold fish mucks around the fountain...
596 How is an eplipetic oyster farmer different from a hooker with dysentery? One shucks between fits...
597 How is a bunch of nude showgirls different from a daredevil? One puts on a display of cunning stunts...
598 What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore? A reptile dysfunction!
599 Why doesn't Popeye's dick rust? Because he dips it in Olive Oyl!
602 How do you sexually harass a classical music fan? You grab em by Debussy!
626 What animal is most likely to be a prostitute? A whorse!
658 What do Hitler and teenage girls have in common? They both use chemicals to remove the polish!
660 How did Jesus get into such good shape? Crossfit!
663 What do you call a smiling Roman with a hair in his teeth? Gladiator!
697 What's the difference between a human and a bullet? Humans miss John Lennon!
701 Why was the blonde snorting Sweet 'n Low? She thought it was diet coke!
702 What do slutty horses wear on their hooves? Whoreshoes!
703 What kind of teas have the most milk? Tit-teas!
708 What happens when you mix anti-depressants and Viagra? When you cum, the glass is half full.
711 What do you call a cow masturbating in a field? Beef stroganoff.
714 What's Gordon Ramsay's favorite Disney film? IT'S FUCKING FROZEN!
718 What did the Amish girl do to get excommunicated? 2 Mennonite!
740 What do people who argue about arithmetic have in common with horny people with lisps? They are both math debaters!
742 What do you get when you cross a pirate and a pedophile? Arrrgghh Kelly!
744 What's the rudest type of elf? A Gofuckyours Elf!
752 What is a mathematician's favorite kind of boob? Quantitties!
778 Why did King Arthur's knights have so many children? Because they Camelot!
787 How are soybeans and dildos alike? They are both imitation meats!

« back

Terms of use:

  1. Enjoy using the site.
  2. Share it with your friends.
  3. Add a joke!
  4. I'm not responsible for content.
  5. Some jokes are offensive and/or *-ist. Deal with it.

© Niko's Corny Joke Machine.