86 results found for tag 'nsfw'
| ID | Setup | Punchline | Tags |
|---|---|---|---|
| 14 | What did the man say to the two owls? | "Nice hooters!" | |
| 15 | Two muffins are in the oven. One turns to the other and says, "Man it's hot in here." What did the other say? | "Holy shit! A talking muffin!" | |
| 36 | Who came first: the chicken or the egg? | The one with the cigarette! | |
| 48 | What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? | "We need to get some support or people will think we're nuts!" | |
| 49 | What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? | Dough nuts! | |
| 69 | What does Coca Cola have in common with King Kong? | They both come in liters! | |
| 73 | What has 75 balls and screws old ladies? | Bingo! | |
| 74 | Why did the walrus go to the tupperware store? | He was looking for a tight seal! | |
| 79 | What did the sign at the drug rehab center read? | "KEEP OFF THE GRASS!" | |
| 86 | What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? | A pickpocket snatches watches... | |
| 87 | What's the difference between a women's track team and a group of circus midgets? | The circus midgets are a bunch of cunning runts... | |
| 88 | What did the banana say to the vibrator? | "What are you shakin' for? She's gonna eat me!" | |
| 91 | Why couldn't the clown juggle? | He just didn't have the balls! | |
| 151 | Why can't lizards have sex? | They have ereptile dysfunction! | |
| 170 | What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? | El-if-I-no! | |
| 180 | What is the difference between Ann Coulter and Donald Trump? | Her dick works. | |
| 203 | What's the difference between light and hard? | You can sleep with a light on. | |
| 222 | How do you know when an Egyptian king is horny? | From all the Pharoah moans! | |
| 224 | What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in common? | No ballroom! | |
| 227 | What's the difference between a short Eskimo and a fat eunuch? | One's a frigid midget with a rigid digit, and the other is a massive vassal with a passive tassel! | |
| 229 | What does every Tickle Me Elmo get before leaving the factory? | Two test tickles! | |
| 241 | How do you catch a bra? | You set a booby trap! | |
| 252 | Where do you get virgin wool from? | Ugly sheep! | |
| 262 | What do you call an overpriced circumcision? | A rip off! | |
| 274 | What does Snoop Dogg use to clean his white laundry? | Ble-atch! | |
| 297 | Did you hear about the orange who slept with a dirty lemon? | He got lemonaids! | |
| 304 | What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? | One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean! | |
| 307 | What's a hillbilly's favorite thing to do on Halloween? | Pumpkin. | |
| 313 | Have you been to the zoo that only has a single dog? | It's a Shih Tzu. | |
| 329 | What's better than roses on your piano? | Tulips on your organ! | |
| 341 | What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones? | The Rolling Stones say, "Hey, you, get offa my butt!" and a Scotsman says, "Hey, McButt, get offa my ewe!" | |
| 348 | What does every pirate hate? | A small chest with no booty! | |
| 351 | Why is Jesus really bad at crossword puzzles? | He always gets stuck on 2 across! | |
| 358 | What did the NSA agent say on his first date? | I'm gonna wiretap that ass! | |
| 361 | What do you call a horny unicorn? | A unicorn! | |
| 362 | What does American coffee and having sex in a canoe have in common? | It's fucking close to water! | |
| 366 | How do you get four old ladies to yell "SHIT!"? | Get a fifth old lady to yell "BINGO!" | |
| 372 | What do radiation specialists do for fun? | X-ray-ted activities! | |
| 373 | What comes between fear and sex? | Fünf! | |
| 381 | What's the difference between two dicks and a joke? | You don't look like you could take a joke! | |
| 382 | What is a pornstar's favorite building material? | Sement! | |
| 393 | What is 6.9? | A beautiful thing ruined by a period! | |
| 397 | What's a Catholic priest's favorite chord? | A minor! | |
| 403 | Why aren't whales allowed in strip clubs? | Because they tend to humpback! | |
| 423 | What kind of weed do lizards smoke? | Mariguana! | |
| 424 | What do a pregnant woman, burnt pizza, and frozen beer have in common? | A man who didn't take it out in time! | |
| 429 | What do you call an artist with a brown finger? | Picassole! | |
| 430 | What gets longer when pulled, inserts neatly into a hole, and works best when jerked? | A seatbelt! | |
| 431 | What's the difference between a nail stylist and a hair stylist? | One does hand jobs, the other does blow jobs! | |
| 437 | What does Cinderella do when she gets to the ball? | Gag! | |
| 469 | What do ducks smoke? | Quack! | |
| 479 | Why did the gay whale choke? | Because he swallowed a lot of seamen! | |
| 485 | How are pornstars paid? | Income. | |
| 508 | How do you know if an envelope is gay? | If it comes in the mail! | |
| 516 | What kind of sex do chemists like? | Bondage! | |
| 557 | What do you call children born in a whorehouse? | Brothel sprouts! | |
| 558 | How does a robot handle a one night stand? | He nuts and bolts! | |
| 590 | How is herpes different from mono? | You get mono when you snatch a kiss... | |
| 591 | How is a counterfeit dollar bill different from a skinny prostitute? | One's a phony buck... | |
| 593 | How is the Panama Canal different from Sarah Palin on a merry-go-round? | The Panama Canal is a busy ditch... | |
| 594 | How is a nun different from a lady in a bath? | One is a soul full of hope... | |
| 595 | How is a gold fish different from a mountain goat? | A gold fish mucks around the fountain... | |
| 596 | How is an eplipetic oyster farmer different from a hooker with dysentery? | One shucks between fits... | |
| 597 | How is a bunch of nude showgirls different from a daredevil? | One puts on a display of cunning stunts... | |
| 598 | What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore? | A reptile dysfunction! | |
| 599 | Why doesn't Popeye's dick rust? | Because he dips it in Olive Oyl! | |
| 602 | How do you sexually harass a classical music fan? | You grab em by Debussy! | |
| 626 | What animal is most likely to be a prostitute? | A whorse! | |
| 658 | What do Hitler and teenage girls have in common? | They both use chemicals to remove the polish! | |
| 660 | How did Jesus get into such good shape? | Crossfit! | |
| 663 | What do you call a smiling Roman with a hair in his teeth? | Gladiator! | |
| 697 | What's the difference between a human and a bullet? | Humans miss John Lennon! | |
| 701 | Why was the blonde snorting Sweet 'n Low? | She thought it was diet coke! | |
| 702 | What do slutty horses wear on their hooves? | Whoreshoes! | |
| 703 | What kind of teas have the most milk? | Tit-teas! | |
| 708 | What happens when you mix anti-depressants and Viagra? | When you cum, the glass is half full. | |
| 711 | What do you call a cow masturbating in a field? | Beef stroganoff. | |
| 714 | What's Gordon Ramsay's favorite Disney film? | IT'S FUCKING FROZEN! | |
| 718 | What did the Amish girl do to get excommunicated? | 2 Mennonite! | |
| 740 | What do people who argue about arithmetic have in common with horny people with lisps? | They are both math debaters! | |
| 742 | What do you get when you cross a pirate and a pedophile? | Arrrgghh Kelly! | |
| 744 | What's the rudest type of elf? | A Gofuckyours Elf! | |
| 752 | What is a mathematician's favorite kind of boob? | Quantitties! | |
| 778 | Why did King Arthur's knights have so many children? | Because they Camelot! | |
| 787 | How are soybeans and dildos alike? | They are both imitation meats! | |
| 795 | What does an accountant use for birth control? | His personality. |
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